Brando, Cher, & Me
What's your favorite confession scene in the movies? I don't mean a criminal confessing to the authorities, but a scene with a Christian making a sacramental confession to a priest. I have two. There's one from "The Appaloosa," a Western I saw as a teenager, where the cowboy, played by Marlon Brando, confessed, "I've killed a lot of men and sinned a lot of women. But the men I killed needed killin' and the women wanted sinnin', and well, I never was one much to argue." The other one is in the 1987 comedy, "Moonstruck," where Cher tries to render a particularly embarrassing sin unobtrusive by slipping it in between taking the Lord's name in vain and bouncing a check at the liquor store. Her ploy fails. Her sin obtrudes.
      Movie confessions and real-life confessions are sometimes alike and sometimes different. I doubt many priests ever hear quite the same words the cowboy's priest heard. And I suspect that a lot of people have tried to do what Cher tried to do. So now you may be thinking, "Well now I know two things you're not supposed to do in confession. So what is it you are supposed to do?"
      That's where I come in. I want to use this article to provide some useful information on confession for people whose image of confession is largely formed by what they've seen in the movies and what they may have experienced in therapy or the sharing in support groups.
      Although I do hear confessions as part of my ministry at the Abbey, my main claim to expertise in this area is that I'm a big, fat sinner, and have been going to confession for nearly forty years now.
      My main reason for wanting to address this particular topic at this time of year is that these final days of Lent are a perfect time for people to make use of the ministry the Prayer Book calls "The Reconciliation of a Penitent." Lent is a time to recognize and confess our sins, and return to a life of grace, and what better way could there be for doing that than explicitly recognizing and confessing our sins, and returning to a life of grace?
     When we come to confession, we're having one of those "I'm sorry, please take me back" conversations with our beloved. In those conversations, we admit that what we said, did, or thought was wrong, really wrong; we say that we are sorry; and we pledge that we are going to work not to do those things again. Our beloved's--our Lord's--part in this conversation is spoken by the priest who hears our confession. That sort of conversation may be difficult, but when we've gone astray, it's healthy and healing. Sometimes it's even necessary, if we're going to keep the relationship alive. So for what it's worth, here's an old hand's suggestions on how to go about having that particular conversation with Jesus.

      If you're new to sacramental confession, read Pages 446- 452 of the Book of Common Prayer. And also the Q&A on the Reconciliation of a Penitent on Page 861.
      Some Episcopal churches have regularly scheduled times for confession. But in most parishes, you will have to make an appointment. That will mean setting the time and place for your confession, as with any appointment. You will also want to decide the format of the confession, that is: will you use Form One or Form Two, or a face to face conversation leading to absolution? Some people like to combine one of the Prayer Book rites with the less formal conversational style.
      If this is your first sacramental confession, let the priest know that. First confessions tend to be longer than the subsequent ones. And the priest will probably want to ask if you want some help in preparing for your confession.
      That preparation will consist of prayer and self- examination. If this is your first confession, you need to examine your moral life since your Baptism. If you've used the sacrament of confession before, review the period since your last confession. If the period under review is a long one, you will find yourself looking mostly at trends and habits. But it's also important to note the individual acts of serious sin as well. If your last confession was relatively recent, then the focus tends to be more on individual sinful acts.
      In your self-examination, it's good to consult both your own conscience and some reliable outside source as well. The Ten Commandments, expounded in the Prayer Book Catechism, give a directly Biblical source for this. The traditional lists of the seven deadly sins or of the seven cardinal and theological virtues give a more analytical approach to the demands of Christian morality. Most of the lists for self- examination you find in devotional manuals are based on one of these three sources. There is also a list of eight moral shortcomings taken from Cassian's Institutes that is widely used in monastic circles. Maybe our Novice Master will write an article on that someday.
      Some authorities advise making notes during your examination of conscience to use in making your confession. Others discourage this, because reading from a list makes the act of confession itself somewhat mechanical, and because there are dangers in putting embarrassing things down in writing. My own observation is that for confessions covering a short period, going by memory works fine. But after putting in the time and effort to review a larger piece of my life, I wouldn't want the frustration of leaving the church after the rite was all finished and done with, and then thinking of something I'd meant to confess, but had forgotten during the confession itself. So I think notes are a good idea for that sort of confession.
      Get to church early enough to spend a little time in prayer and recollection before you actually begin your confession. If you're having a conference-type confession in the priest's office, spend a bit of time in prayer before you arrive for your appointment.
Making Your Confession
      You don't need to go into a great deal of detail about your sins. But the confessor does need to know what you're talking about. Usually you can follow the guideline that you confess what you did wrong, but not how you went about doing it.
      If you are aware of the reasons for your sins, that you did something out of jealousy or pride for instance, it's good to say that as part of your confession. But don't get lost in examining your motivations. Remember this is confession, not therapy. If something would be off topic or too self-centered in an "I'm sorry, please take me back" con- versation with your beloved, it would probably be off-topic in confession.
      Make sure you confess your own sins, and don't slide into reporting on what other people have done wrong. In fact, it's considered better form not to refer to others in ways that reveal their identities. Still, you will probably have to mention other people from time to time in reference to your relationship to them for your confession to be accurate. "I have been disrespectful towards and dismissive of one particular person's ideals," and "I have been disrespectful towards and dismissive of my wife's ideals," are somewhat different statements.
      Your confessor will probably give you a penance to do (this is the assignment described in the next to last paragraph on Page 446 of the Prayer Book). It's best to take care of this right away, if at all possible. That's not because your absolution depends on it. It doesn't. But if you don't do it promptly, you might forget about it. And when you finally remember it, you'll feel bad, and you'll miss some of the benefits of going through every element of the rite.
      Speaking of forgetting: If you do forget to mention something in your confession that you meant to, don't worry about it too much. Absolution is the restoration of a good relationship with God, and covers the sins you have forgotten. If you want to say in your next confession, "I meant to say this in my last confession, but forgot to. I know it's forgiven, but I'd like to confess it anyway,' that would be fine. If the forgotten sin was a serious one, you really should mention it in this way. But your earlier confession and its absolution are valid and sacramentally complete even if you don't.
      Finally, when your confession is over, and you've received your absolution and performed your penance, spend a little bit of time in prayer. Say the things you say after one of those, I'm sorry, please take me back conversations. Tell the Lord, "Thank you for taking me back." And say, "I love you, really love you." But you already knew that part, didn't you? --Fr. William

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